My 2 rupees on the Tiger saga

Ok, ok, I get it. He's rich, buff, rich, famous, rich, reasonably good looking, rich, so you would expect women to throw themselves at him. But seriously Tiger, could you not have chosen a better class of woman to have your 'transgressions"? I mean every new one that crawled out of the woodwork got thrashier and thrashier. I would be really really pissed off if I were Elin. I mean if you gonna be unfaithful at least find someone who looks better and classier than her. (ok that may be a bit difficult)

And can the media stop calling them "mistresses". Have you seen their pics on the net? All of them have bikini portfolios, some are porn stars, and wtf is a VIP hostess? Come on. And I do not believe his sponsors did not know of these things.I mean if I wereto spend 50 mill on a guy, I would know what he's having for breakfast. Wtf were team Tiger doing? What, you guys were too scared to slap your asset over the head for his stupidity? And stop calling it a "sex addiction" problem. The only guys who have this are the rich famous etc etc. The rest of the world's poor male grunts are sex addicts too, but they are not in that hallowed "I am rich, famous so I can do anything and get away with it category" Stop making excuses for this behaviour.

And now we know why Stevie has been his caddy for so long even with all his obnoxious behaviour. Probably shared in the bimbos and maybe even arranged the booty calls. "was not aware" my asshole.

Final word, hit him for big bucks Elin. Leave his ass so he can get back to golf and not pretend to want to be a good father etc etc.

Visit to Khewra salt mines - or why Pakistan tourism ministry are clueless

OK. Went for a road trip to the Khewra salt mines last year. My colleague suggested going, and I asked how far, and he said "o, maybe 2 hours, tops". Ok sounds great. Largest working salt mine in Pakistan and all that. It's supposed to be off the highway on the way to Islamabad, so when we checked with the driver it was the usual "yes I know".

Off we went bright and early and onto the highway, driving,driving,driving and after 3 hours, still on the damn highway. No signages. Fuck all. I mean it's the "biggest working salt mine in Pakistan", lots of vistors,but NO SIGNAGES. Driver finally turned off almost reaching Islamabad and we went through a route which would be on par with probably the Khyber pass, and it was raining, and it was misty, and we thought we were going to fall off the cliffs. But NO SIGNAGES.

Anyway finally reached. Lots of people. Again no signages. Did we need to buy a ticket? No idea. Driver asked and yes you need to. Then follow the crowd to a mini rail line. Now what? Again, no signages. Follow the crowd. No guides.

Ok once inside walked around, yes big, yes nice. But no signages. No lighting. I mean I have been to one in China. Coloured lights everywhere to shine off the salt pillars. People selling photo services, etc. But here, you are on your own. There was a lovely pool. Again no lighting, no signages. Again in China, lights shining on water, some bullshit blurb calling it "silver glass lake" that kind of bullshit, but you get what I mean. Marketing. Pakistan tourism ministry - sigh....

But all in all it was pretty nice. On the way back, took another route. Again, no signages. But somehow managed to muddle our way out and return journey took less than half the time as the turn into the highway was wayyy nearer to Lahore.

Sepp Blatter is an idiot - continued

See. France vs Rep Ireland. Obvious fucking handball. And how long did the game stop for? If FIFA grew up and graduated to the 21st century and had video evidence like other major sports, it would have taken what? 20 seconds ? Pity poor Ireland. Robbed. FIFA are happy cos France got in, but with the idiot coach they have, it would probably be a waste of the slot. Viva la France.

Dinosaurs of the century - FIFA

I cannot understand why FIFA is probably the only sports body that has not embraced electronics/video replays/3rd referee. I mean look at all the time wasted when players surround refs on controversial decisions. With video a decision can be made in seconds. Do it like tennis, where you limit the challenges a player can make, or in this case, the captain. I really don't buy the argument that they want fans to talk about the controversies and that it's"part of the game". I mean pity the poor bastard and fans who maybe had one chance for a trophy his whole life and it was blown by a dodgy call. Sepp Blatter is an idiot.

Anyway did anyone see Ngog's Greg Louganis impersonation against Birmingham? FIFA (again, idiots) should really act on diving. It's cheating, pure and simple. What are they teaching kids? It's ok to cheat? Then by all means forget drug testing. That's also cheating.

gotta love the Aussies

"Fans walk out of Britney's concert due to lip synching" . Well done mates. "Artistes" ought to know by now that the Aussies with their culture of live and rock performances don't put up with this shit. And it's not the first time concert attendees down under have done this.

But seriously, who attends a Britney concert to hear her SING? Reminds me of the classic case many years ago at home when a grandmother returned a VCR tape of Madonna's "like a virgin" concert cos she thought there was something wrong with the sound...

random random stuff

Was having lunch with my staff and somehow the topic of how Pakistanis look came up. I said Paks look fabulous generally, with the strong features, defined noses, large eyes, and they take a great photo. Unlike south east asians, who generally have flatter features and less defined. Anyway that made everyone happy.

Then one of the girls (Pakistani) said 'yes, but we hate it when Pakistani men stare at us'. Hah. I said honey, you can't blame them. I mean look around, Anywhere. Women make up 10 % of the people in public. My friend Mc calls it a sausage fest. I mean anywhere, if there is a rare exhibit, everyone will look eg polar bear. Or on the road, where it' s all bloody toyota and hondas. If someone has a ferrari everyone will look. So don't blame them for staring. If there were more women out in public, maybe the staring will stop. And hey, if I was young and good looking, I'd flaunt it !

Anyway , another party and one of the expats complained about the famous crank calls. I mean you get random calls after 11 at night from some guy . And he will call repeatedly. The poor guys are so bored. Can't blame them. I had someone call me up once. Asked me (he spoke english , well, some) what my name was. I was in a good mood and the tel con went something like this : guy : what's your name? me : Bill Clinton. guy : be clinton? me : yup. guy: what u do? me: monica lewinsky! guy : huh ? guy : can i be your friend? me: nope. I hang up. Guy calls again. At 2 a.m. Yup. 2 a. m. By which time, the mood was not so good, so I thought I had better practice my cantonese swearing, which was getting out of touch. And for those who don't know cantonese, it's the best dialect EVER to swear in. Guy : hello . Me : (translated) : F** u. Guy: huh? me : F** your m** smelly C*** . Guy : now speaking urdu . me: I said are you some stupid C***. F** your m*** smelly flower (this is direct translation, no explanation) c***. This actually went on for 5 mins before I got tired and just left the phone on. Hey, it was his call, his money. All this while my wife was rolling on the floor laughing. Anyway long story short, no more calls.

I would like to see ..

6 people on a motorbike. Still yet to see it. Believe me I have seen 5 in many countries including my own, but I thought I would be able to see 6 in Lahore. No such luck yet. Will definitely be a Kodak moment. And the motorcycle companies can then advertise their latest honda 2 wheel van.

But seriously Lahore motorcycle riders put many stuntmen to shame. Can carry 5 on a 70 cc bike, fetch women pillon riders who sit sideways (try it, not easy to go round a corner, throws the balance out of whack), talk on cellphones while riding, and have incredible night vision ( I mean switch on the damn headlights, I can't see you, I don't have eyesight as good as yours !). And of course, they are allergic to helmets, probably spoil the whole Shah Rukh Khan hairdo thing.

The other thing that really amazes me is young brainless kids hooning around in their cars sitting out of the WINDOW. I mean yes I know there is scant regard for safety here but that takes the cake for sheer stupidity. O and yes, women driving around with their kids on their laps. My maid ( in Lahore its normally a man) did that with my car while trying to park it and the kid stepped on the gas and drove the car through the house door. At least I managed to see something that one would normally see in a Schwarzenegger movie. And no, he's no longer working for me, but it was a culmination of stuff, not only that.

Roman Polanski is a ?????

I may be one of the few, but it amazes me the indignation shown by Roman Polanski's supporters that this convicted child rapist and sodomite was arrested and to be sent back to the USA.

This man, in his position of power, drugged and raped both vaginally and anally a 13 year old girl at the height of his fame and wealth. The girl was 13 for God's sake. And he drugged and raped her. To those who say it was long ago, does that make it right? Maybe we should just exonarate all those who committed heinous crimes 30 years ago. The man's a pig. He ran away, led the good life in elite circles,and did not get the punishment he deserved.

And for those who are trying to spin it by saying the victim herself wants to let it go, of course she does. She's in her 40's. Do you think she wants her children to know what she has been through?

Stupid question of the week - "you can't play golf in Lahore?"

Someone asked me this when I told him I was off to Bangkok to play golf over the EID holidays. Ahahahahahahahah. Yes I can, but why ???? Golf courses in Lahore are hard as a rock. Ball runs 50 yards even on the greens. Greens are slow, rock hard. BKK golf courses are soft, lush, greens are fast but bite. No comparison. Plus I have choices of great course to play on.

After golf, the golfers'terraces in BKK have menus that are at least 8 pages long. Food comes out in 5 minutes. There's beer. In Lahore, there are hardly 4 food items on the menu, and service is sloooow.

After golf I can go for long foot massages, I can go shopping, BKK has world class choice of cuisine. After golf in Lahore I have nothing to do except go back sleep, watch tv and surf the internet.

Like I said, dumb question of the week.

dumb asses of the week award

It's a tie between the French FA and the Argentine FA.

Domenech (dummyneck) should have been sacked long ago. The guy has no imagination, no balls, and definitely no respect from the players. It saddens many football fans that the french with all that talent may miss out on the world cup. Someone please kidnap him and only let him out after the world cup.

And Maradona?? Fat ex cocaine addict with no discipline, no brain in charge of Argentina? What dumb shit thought that up? Better yet what dumb shit kept him there??

Ramaz(d)an in Lahore

Back to Lahore after a long 3 week break. All fired up .

It's the holy month again, and it's great. Streets are quiet, golf courses are quiet up to around 3 pm then it's packed. This is the only time when you have to make a booking to play in Gymkhana after 3 . Any other time of the year, any day, one can just walk in. Flights coming into Lahore are getting full, Pakistanis coming home for EID. Good for them !

And my favourite part - offices close at 2 !! I can go hit some golf balls daily, or go for a swim, or go to the gym with no one to disturb me. Not so good part - food outlets only open after 4 pm. Oh well, I need to lose some weight anyway.

Getting visas to visit Pakistan

There are places in the world where getting a visa to visit is a bit difficult, which is understandable, but you still want to get the visa because they are great places to visit eg the USA (security checks), Japan (illegal workers checks) and Pakistan. Yes Pakistan. Getting a visa takes a week, so your passport is stuck for a week. It's amazing as when you got to the Pakistan embassy in KL or Singapore, it's sepulchral. Like they are soooo busy.

There are probably hordes waiting to visit cos the country's got great beaches, fantastic nightlife, great food and wine. Uh huh. And they typically issue a 3 month validity only, with 1 week stay. Come on. Now you know why "Visit Pakistan year 2007" was doomed to failure from day one. Bureaucracy. As a comparison, Australia, which btw does have great beaches etc etc, you can get the visa done online, immediate, one year validity, 90 day stay, multilple entries. Sigh.....

More things that irritate me at Lahore airport

Lahore airport has a nice long baggage carousel which meanders through half the airport, and you could spend quite a nice idyllic evening just looking at the luggage roll by. It's normally all crowded by people waiting for their bags and porters shoving their way in front of you waiting to pullout their employers' stuff, and it's all pretty decent.

Anyway,there are big huge "no smoking" signs everywhere even at the carousels, and this is what pisses me off. There will be invariably a few dick heads who can't read and light up right in front of the signs . Come on. What sort of example are you teaching your kids? That it's all right to disregard rules? That you only follow rules when you are not in your own country? I guarantee you these dicks will never dare do that when they are in London or New York or any european airport. And the biggest ones to blame are the guys in charge at the airport.Why you let them get away with this? Just because they are rich, you do not dare harass them? Wankers all.

More food - Nadeem caterers, Johar town

Ok, more food reviews. had a farewell dinner for a colleague with all the office staff at Nadeem Caterers in Johar town. It was a buffet, and it was good. The chicken tikka and boti were excellent, juicy, tender and the meat came off the bone easily. The chops were ok, mutton kurma so so, mutton kuna (shank) was tender but probably needed a bit more taste. The sheekh kebab was pretty good, but IMHO not as good as the one in Village. Dessert bar was actually quite good. And it was cheap. 500 rupee per head, service was good. the place was clean, air conditioned, and no smoking. Definitely a place where you can bring vistors. O yes, my favourite bug bear, the salad bar. At least it had some fruit and some (and I am being generous) chopped green stuff.

Ai Miyazato won, finally

Ok, she's 24, "finally" won on the LPGA. The Japanese press are in a frenzy. And to those (predominantly WASP) commentators who said she can't win cos she can't spin the ball enough, go fuck yourselves. The chick could have stayed in her comfort zone in Japan, made a shit load of money without coming to the LPGA tour. I'd like to see top Yank players going to the Japan tour to try. Took a lot of guts and determination for Ai to go to the States, put up with the language, traveling and shitty food. She had her own anime series in Japan for fucks sake. Go Ai!

Chats

I have just found out that skype, google talk, msn chat etc is blocked in the gulf states. WTF ! Thank god for little blessings, no such shit in Pakistan, YAY .

Bookshops in Lahore

One of the things you could do when you are bored is go to the book shops at Liberty. (this is near where the Sri Lankan cricketeers got shot at) Pakistan with the lack of intellectual property rights hang ups, has a ton of illegal books printed. Sure they are on crappy paper but they are CHEAP. Bought the whole Narnia and Harry Potter series. Each book was 30 rupees. That's 40 cents. Tons of thrashy novels , yes locals here are same as all over the world, they love the Grisham crap. Can't find what you are looking for? Ask the guy at the counter. You'd be surprised as to his knowledge. Really.

But no, sorry, no faux comics. And no manga. At all. Can't have everything I suppose.

And the Korean chick won the US Open

The LPGA must be really bummed out that another Korean chicky won their major. The only Korean that they really want to win is Michelle (and she not Korean,she Yankee), and she did not even qualify. Anyway it was great TV. Being yellow myself I tend to root for the yellow chick. OK OK I also rooted for Paula Creamer and Morgan Pressel cos Paula's cute and Morgan got 'tude.
And what's with Cristie Kerr? She lost 55 lbs a few years back, looked good,won the US Open then now looks like she put back half of that. Come on girl.

Anyway the LPGA's commissioner has resigned due to player power and I hope the new one does a better job at promoting the ladies. I mean wtf the seniors get more coverage,money. What is wrong with the yanks, they prefer to watch old farts play rather than women?

Women tennis players are fat 2

Did anyone watch the Elena /Serena semis, Wimbledon? The commentators were going on and on about how "gruelling" it was to be out there for "more than 2 hours". Gruelling? Come on! Stop trying to talk it up. Gruelling my ass. I doubt they ran more than 1 km, with Serena's serve taking up so many points. People in charge of women's tennis, make them play 5, come on. Just some useless info, the clay court semis in the French last year between Nadal and Verdasco, even with that 5 hour game, Nadal ran less than 5 km. And he is the fittest guy out there, no arguments. Gruelling my asshole.

Pakistan T 20 world champions

WELL DONE ! Something for the country to cheer about. I like it when Pakistan wins. They are good winners, they don't gloat, they don't rub your faces in it, they don't sledge, and they are also good losers, not much whingeing. Unlike some ex kings of cricket we know.

PIA

Got to love them. 500 staff to a plane ratio. (SIA has less than 200). Bleeding red ink. On internal flights they are on a 50% strike rate with me. The plane has 50% of the time been delayed or cancelled. And the cheek of it is they have this thing stuck on the window outside their office that sets out how much we have to pay if we cancel our ticket or no show or change dates. The last time it was cancelled I asked them if they were going to pay me since I have to pay them if I cancel. Toatlly ignored by the guy. Poor bastard. Probably cops abuse daily. I once called back my driver when the plane delayed and asked him to drive me to Islamabad as I had a meeting which could not be postponed

The overseas flights are ok though, even though some of the planes have seen better days. And prices are much cheaper, and the food is GOOD. Pilots are good, but some of the FA's are in sympathy with the age of the planes. And they don't serve grog. I actually asked about this and they said "you can bring it on board, no issue. Ah, the famous "no issue".

Sent the wife and kid on their LHE-ISB flight once to make the ISB-BKK flight connecting through Thai Airways. It was adventure they won't forget. Their flight was delayed and the poor woman was panicking. So when they announced the flight they quickly got on. After they were seated they were asked to deplane. WTF? The onward flight was looking like a lost cause. So the wife,to her credit did not spit the dummy, and asked nicely why. Get this, they boarded the plane that was further delayed ie an earlier flight. ROFL. So they deplaned, wife getting upset, connecting flight looked fucked. The people were good enough to stick them on the next flight, which still wasn't the flight they were originally on, cos that was cancelled.. Anyway they just made connecting by the skin of the teeth.

Moral of the story, if you have a connecting flight elsewhere, book the earlier flight just in case.

Lahore weddings

For newcomers and expats going for their first wedding in Lahore, it's a great experience. My first wedding invitation, card said 8 30 pm. I like being punctual, so we turned up at 8 30 pm. Like the card said. The caterers gave us looks that said "are you stupid?". They were still setting up the tent.

Do turn up fashionably late, as in after 11 pm. Food will probably be served between 11 30 and 12. So eat first at home, get drunk before turning up. The "dinner" will normally finish after 2 in the morning.

Stupid Lahore airport security measure no. 491

When you want to get into the departure lounge the guard at the entrance (whose literacy level would just qualify him to be , well, a guard) checks your passport, which is well and good, and insists on looking at your ticket. Which is a problem. Most tickets are now e tickets, and if you don't have a hard copy, you can't get in. Or if the date is wrong cos you changed your schedule, and did not bother getting a new print out so that another tree does not need to be chopped down, you can't get in. I mean wtf, all you need is the e ticket number. The guard who is now all huffed up in his own ego and importance, insists you have a right ticket, or get a boarding pass so that you can go in.

WTF? How do you get a boarding pass if you can't get in. I kid you not. This happened to a friend of mine. It was a damn good thing he was traveling with me, so I could go in, tell the airline person to issue the stupid boarding pass, get the airline person to go outside and get him so he can come in. People are missing flights because of overzealous guards whose only reading ability is probably the date of travel on the ticket. The airlines are also the main assholes in this as they should station someone outside to help out.

It's a damn good thing my secretary insists on printing out my ticket, itinerary etc before I fly !

some of the reasons why KL is miles better than Lahore

Ate lots drank lots while in KL. Actually had more than this but the food and drinks went way too quickly before I could get a pic.

things that I love about load shedding in Lahore

1) Don't need a watch. It's every hour
2)I read more now as the TV stations bug out as well
3)Makes me appreciate electricity
4)gives me an excuse for a break on the treadmill when it cuts out
5)I know how to start a gen set now
6)it's a good ice breaking topic of conversation

Summer in Lahore

Just sitting here in front of the PC wondering what to do. It's really boring and shit hot in Lahore at the moment. Summer is here with a vengeance.

When guys in KL tell me it's hot I say "you don't know hot". Last year hit 48, year before hit 52. BEER please. Pakistani lawmakers, c'mon guys, half your populace drinks. Make it legally and readily available. Stop pretending. Even the gulf states recognise it.

For those who have no idea how hot it gets, the showers are hot. No cold showers available. That's cos all the houses have flat roofs and the water tank is not sheltered nor shaded. Why no one changes it? Well, change comes slowly here. The tiles in the toilets are actually hot. When you walk upstairs you can feel the heat differential.

The gen set is the most essential item here. How the fuck can you sleep when its 50 out and the AC is not working? And load shedding in summer is real fun. Every other hour. I time my DVD's on the hour. It really pisses me off to look for the part where it got cut off. I also time my Playstation on the hour. Really pisses you off when it gets cut off when you are slashing off someones head. Don't need a watch in summer. You know when it's the hour.

The locals tell me they drive and ride stupidly during summer due to the heat. LOL. Don't really want to add to that, may get in trouble with my local friends :p Golf has to be played at 6 am. You can try playing at 5 pm but the crowds are ridiculous. And local golfers play really slowly as most of them treat it as a nice evening walk, so you won't finish 9 holes. Of course there are fast players but those are few and far in between. And really there is no point to finish fast as after that you have FUCK ALL to do anyway. I bring my own beer now and shove it in an ice box in the boot. The clubs are good enough not to make an issue of it, so no drama.

Aylanto restaurant - Lahore

IMHO this is the best fine dining western restaurant in Lahore. Choices are varied and they even have carpaccio and escargot. And the food is not overpowering. The fettucine is very good, great texture. To their credit, I wanted it sauteed with just olive oil and sprinkled with some dried chilli on top and they knew what I wanted immediately, and did a pretty good job of it. Bottle friendly. They can also do the steak just char broiled without any sauces if you ask them. Great. Only thing that was not good was that they no longer have romaine lettuce for the ceaser's salad, just iceberg lettuce.

through the Looking Glass: Hating Kylie Kwong

through the Looking Glass: Hating Kylie Kwong

I wanted to rant about Kylie Kwong but I found this. It's a great post. And there are people who feel the way I do. Sooo happy.

People in charge of Penang tourism you are idiots

Went off to Penang with the family while back home. Good food. Relaxed. Good beaches. Which makes me sad re the state of Penang tourism. It has far better beaches than Phuket, comparable food, and everything is wayyy cheaper than Phuket. But comparing visitor numbers, it's PATHETIC. Come on tourism guys, get your act together. Maybe time to behave like our famous Jasin MP, ie "close one eye" ? Really. Even locally, KK now beats you guys by miles.

O yes, went for fish spa. Overated. Would have been better if could jump in full body and totally naked.

And the fat guy won the Masters

I am sooo happy the fat guy won. And check it out. The 3 guys in the play off all had big guts. Yesss. Golf rules.

And Kenny Perry may be a dick for not playing in the Open, but at this year's Masters, he was a class act.

bars/pubs in Lahore

There are none. No actually, there are AFAIK 3 places where you can get served, Royal Palm, PC Hotel and the Intenational Club. RP is the priciest, but it's got a nice setting (at the golfer's terrace, and has imported booze (Fosters, Heineken, Carlsberg, Black Label, Chivas). Don't expect anything fancier as the stuff they sell depends on what they can bring in.

The international club is much cheaper and they sell the same stuff as RP plus they have the plus point of getting supplies from the American Embassy commiss. Monthly dues are 50 bucks and joining I think is 500 (refundable) so it's not too bad really.

PC hotel recently converted one of the rroms into a bar on the second floor, but they only sreve local stuff. Pakistan has a brewery (Murree) which stamps "for export" on all their products but I don't know who on earth they would export to. They have primarily the Murree beer, whisky (both blended and single malt) and Vodka.

Only the vodka is drinkable (if desperate). The beer tastes like cat's piss and after 4 I guarantee you will get a massive headache due to the glycerine content. According to Geoff Lawson (ex Pak cricket coach, uneremoniously dumped but that's a story for another day) during the good old days when they first toured Pakistan you could see the 2 inches of glycerine floating on top of the bottle, but Aussies being Aussies. they still drank it.

The whisky tastes like kerosene and you could probably start a fire with it's fumes and the only taste you can ascertain is the vanilla in it.

I don't get formula 1

Is it only me but does anyone else find F1 a fucking bore? High powered fast cars with absolutely no relevance with the real world going round and round and round and round and round. Overtake the fucker already. O what's that, you can't? The tracks too narrow? Too many corners? You can only overtake when the guy in front of you goes to a pit stop? YAWN.

Thai Country Club !

Was in Bangkok over the weekend for some work, but managed to squeeze in around at Thai Country Club. Heaven. Course was immaculate, fairways cut to 12 mm, service was what you would expect from a place run by Peninsula Hotel. Overall a 5 star golf experience. Played reasonably but 3 putted 7 greens. Read them sooo badly. Playing in Lahore really stuffs up your game as the greens are poor and you can spray your ball all over the ball park and still have a chance to recover.

Anyway the 3 of us had 5 jugs of Asahi draught after the game. Would have had more if not for having to jump on a plane back to Lahore. How sad is that. (where are the Thai protestors thronging the airport when you want them?) Panippa our waitress was most impressed as she said the farang don't normally consume so much. Would definitely recommend playing there to any keen golfer.

Dinner at 11.50 pm

Matthew is in town so we have been eating out for the past 3 nights. Last night we were having drinks in Royal Palm with a couple of Pakistani friends, when we got hungry and they asked "do you want to eat meat ie go for the food or have dinner in a place for the ambience?' Me and Matthew being foodies of course said "food".

Off we went to this place called Sarhad Restaurant (after 4 more rounds). Got there at almost 11 p.m. The place reasonably crowded, no women (this is Pakistan, man, and this is a place where only locals eat), and the meat section was in the restaurant (the guy was chopping up the meat there) When in Lahore, meat means goat.

This place sells Peshawar type meat. Not many spices, just fresh. And only 2 types of meat, no menu. It was dry meat and wet meat. Dry meat being BBQ style and wet meat being meat that was cooked in it's own fat. Helooo cholesterol. Anyway it's a standard 50 mins wait for them to cook the meat, and it was well worth the wait. Fresh, tender, juicy. 5 of us polished off 5 kg of meat. I am a pig.

Another Lahore restaurant review - Hsin Kuang

Had dinner at Hsin Kuang (Chinese) in Gulberg. Man the place was packed. At 8 30. On a weeknight. Which was amazing. Cos Lahoris eat like at 10 pm. I have been to restaurants where guests come in at 11. I shit you not. Anyways, it apparently is the best desified chinese reataurant in town, and truth be told it was not too bad compared to a lot of other drivel that passes off as Chinese food in Lahore. So if you are in the mood for desified chinese give it a try. Service is quick and efficient, and the food comes out pretty quickly (another rarity). O yes, bottle friendly.

Since we are on food, also had dinner earlier at Zafir Tikka(Pakistani bbq place). Good. Try the Achari tikka. The other bbq stuff is also pretty good. Cheap. But the place has ZERO ambience. Hole in the wall. And asshole waiter refused to switch on the air cond, saying it was not working. Other than that food was good. What was funny was when my guys went out to look at them cooking the bbq, and everyone else was looking at them. I guess yellow asses are a rarity in Lahore.

DHA Lahore cinema - a review

Yes, there is a cinema in Lahore. ONE. And it's great. It's got just the one screen, capacity (i think) 600, clean, international standard seats, good leg room. They show mainly bollywood fare, which is officially banned by PEMRA, the authority that oversees these things, but local cinema operators are given "relaxation" except for movies which they are specifically told not to screen. Hollywood blockbusters (real official ones, not the pirated stuff) are also shown, but they are on limited screning times. So far I have watched Iron Man, Dark Knight,Quantum of Solace (which sucked) and just now, Watchmen.

The cinema actually starts ON TIME, something very rare in Pakistan. Locals, especially new to this cinema are caught out sometimes. I have actually seen people come in one hour late! And the ushers are clean, efficient, and are STRICT with ASSHOLES who smoke on the premises. Good on you guys, good job ! But with a 300 rupee ticket price, a lot of the riff raff, psychos, and general undesirables are kept away.

The only thing that pisses me off is the chatter during the movie, and when lining up to buy tickets. There will invariaby be some cunt of a queue jumper, which this rude expat will tell off, and the "close proximity" locals feel they must have with you when in a queue ie they stand like 6 inches behind you. Dude, we are not related, give me my space, man.

Sri Lankan test cricketeers attacked

It's a sad day for Lahore, especially when even visiting sportsmen are attacked. So the Aussies are proven right, it's unsafe, and Imran Khan's asssertions that terrorists will not attack cricketeers was way off the mark. Imran if by now you do not understand that these people have no sense or logic, then you are not very intelligent (then again I have said before you don't expect sportsmen to be geniuses). Also, it's only the celebrity obsessed western media that gives gives Imran so much coverage.

I am really saddened by the state of affairs in Lahore, and particularly peeved at the media. The whole world's economy is in trouble and Pakistan's economy is particularly not in good health, but now it's daily political demos in Lahore, and the newspapers are filled with nothing but politicians bad mouthing each other. What about the ECONOMY? Get your fucking priorities right !

and Royal Palm is back in my good books

Played in Royal Palm today. After a break of almost 8 months. Why? Cos they started serving grog again. I do not see the logic of paying more than 2000 rupees in green fees if I can't get a drink after the game. Anyway, got really plastered as I brought also a bottle of Laphroaig quarter cask single malt and we polished it off in addition to the Carlsberg. Good day out. O yes, the club actually cut the rough down. Common sense prevails. When your fairway is only 25 yards wide, cut down the fucking rough !

Michelle Wie's back (and the LPGA's prayers are answered

So the ex phenom and much maligned Ms Wie got the runners up spot in the SBS open. Good for her. The LPGA needs her. I cannot understand why the Champions Tour gets more TV coverage and prize money. Wouldn't you like to see attractive women golfers on TV rather than that bunch of old farts. The guys in charge of the LPGA really suck at marketing their tour. Hopefully she gets into contention every week, and no I am not a fan. She really needs (1) a new PR team to teach her what to say rather than saying "I played pretty good" etc etc when she just shot 80 (2) leave the PGA tour the fuck alone (3) get a speech tutor - going "you know" 500 times in an interview really confirms the impression that you are dumb, girl, and an insult to Stanford (4) get some humility and shyness (even if it's pretend) - see Ryo Ishikawa

Cut Michael Phelps some slack

So, the guy was caught smoking a bong. Not so smart, but hey surely you don't expect athletes to be geniuses. Give the guy a break, he won 8 golds. probably spent the last 2 years of his life in the pool 8 hours a day doing fuck all but training. Let's see all these people hanging shit on him train with no breaks, entertainment, R&R for even A MONTH.

Asian food Channel

Back in KL. Channel surfing and hit the channel which really irritates me. Can someone explain to me why the fuck it's called the "asian food channel". Every time when I happen to surf past it, (a) there is no asian on it (b) there's no bloody asian food featured. It's all western food and western chefs. They should just rename it "food channel" or "food channel for people to watch in asia" or whatever. The only asian who I have seen once on it is Kylie Kwong and don't get me started on her. She's not even halfway Chinese. That's another rant for another day.

gyms in Lahore

OK more random ramblings. Had lunch at Angeline's and Jimmy's after golf on Sunday and got semi plastered under the nice spring sun. The 2 SIA guys there decided to go look at gyms to join, and me being slighty inebriated said why the fuck not. So some reviews.

First one we went to was the gym at Residency Hotel, a little boutique hotel off Zafar Ali road. Pretty good actually. Large cardio section, about 7 treadmills(with individual LCD screens !), 7 cycles, steppers etc. Downstairs were the weights and equipment. All Cybex, which IMHO is the Rolls Royce of gym equipment. Had a small lap pool and the place was new, and seemed to have an expat crowd. O yes, had aerobics classes (mixed to boot ie not segregated), with white instructors. Fees were like 6000 rupees per month and 15,000 joining fee (I think, was still a bit drunk to be paying attention). Anyhow walk in use was 600 per session. And you have to pay extra for massage and refloxology (yes there is, I apologise for earlier comments, I am an idiot). The place had no segragation, so I would expect the crowd there to be a bit more open/young. What I like was the weight bag and the gloves/pads that came with it, and many swiss balls.

After that went to Sukh Chan gardens, which was bigger but equipment older, monthly 7000 I think (again, half drunk). It was set up like a normal "club" with F&B etc. BIG plus point had BICYCLE classes ! (all pay extra of course, but prices were not unreasonable, 2-4k a month). Had pilates too (wow) but no mixed classes cos the male members were not interested apparently. Anyway didn't see any expats except for the 2 Kenyan instructors. There were some female only areas and also mixed areas , so probably clientele maybe a bit more traditional.

All in all I was pleasantly surprised that with the facilities. Hey when there is not much to do these places are "it".

Australian open 2nd men's semi final

One word. WOW. Blood(well maybe not),sweat, tears,drama, edge of the seat stuff. An exhibition of strength,stamina,concentration and pure emotion. I can tell you I stood up and applauded in front of the TV a few times. WOW. Got to hand it to the Spaniards. No holding back bull shit. Whatever vitamins Nadal is taking, I reckon everyone should get some. Note to the people in charge of women's tennis : when you run out of good looking chicks who can actually play, and who are still interested in playing, you guys are in trouble. Make the fatties play five sets. After all they get the same bloody prize money. Hopefully Roger will show some emotion in the final. The guy's a class act but shit he's booooring.

Lahore - food paradise part 2

Firstly an apology. Some of my Pakistani friends have taken exception to my earlier blog. They clarify that Lahore is the food paradise of Pakistan, not a food paradise per se. I stand corrected. I suppose the people in Karachi and Islamabad will also have their ideas about that, but getting caught up in parochial debates is not something I want to be involved in.

spring in Lahore

Spring came early this year. Winters seem to be getting shorter, and summers wetter. Pakistan, say hi to Global warming. Anyway I like winters here, they are not wet, and when the sun is out it's great. Spring is way better, flowers are out, time to buy some plastic chairs and drink wine in the garden. Ya right. It's whisky all the way as it would be silly to sneak wine in, lower alcohol content and all that. Pity.

adding gadgets

Hey. Just learnt how to add gadgets. Kewl.

another restaurant review - Stevie's Golden Wok

OK. It's the first day of chinese new year and I am alone in Lahore. So we had dinner at Golden Wok, DHA phase 3. GW is a Thai/Chinese place owned by Steve Wong, a Chinese Pakistani or is it Pakistani Chinese? In case you are confused, he's yellow. The chinese there is well, really for the locals. But the Thai there is actually not bad. Try the tom yam, green curry and red curries. The squid salad is also not too bad. And the good thing is you can bring your grog safely, the staff are quite bottle friendly. The other 2 Thai places are the one in PC and Lemon Grass in town. LG is no big deal but holds good memories for me. It was the first place I had a drink in lahore. I was 2 weeks in lahore and a mate of mine came to visit me. We finished one and a half litres of Chivas 18 year old that night. When you have been dry for 2 weeks .... Apparently when he went back to the hotel he had to ask the staff to bring him to the room cos he could not remember which room he was in (and this was after numerous tries with the key).

women tennis players are fat

OK. another rant. Was watching the Aussie Open on TV and I just realised most women tennis players are fat. And I realised why. Women's tennis do not really need a high level of fitness. I mean look at the chick that beat Ivanovic, I was telling myself if it goes to 3 sets she's gone cos she's carrying around at least an excess of 5 kg. Boy was I wrong. And again she lasted 3 sets against Jelena the next day. I reckon what with the equipment and the new power game, you don't need the fitness anymore. Just pummel your opponents. And 3 sets? C'mon. Don't get me wrong, I prefer watching women's tennis to men's, but let's see these overpaid fatties suffer the five setter, with the cramps and the dehydration and the buckets of sweat. That's drama. And the thing that really gets me is the medical breaks the players are allowed. What crap. If your're injured, stiff, you lose.

more reviews - Dynasty restaurant at Avari

Since we are on restaurants, it would be negligent not to mention what most expats consider the best chinese restaurant in Lahore. Bonnie the exec chef (filipino chinese) has been in Lahore for 20 years! That's impressive. Anyway, I would recommend(and most of these are not on the menu, so you have to talk to Bonnie) the seafood soup, the spinach soup (I still have not figured out how he removes the "earthy taste", believe me we have tried everything from soaking overnight to blanching to putting in shit loads of ginger), the lobster, the beef steak, chinese mushroom, soy sauce chicken. No I'm sorry there is NO shark fin soup nor abalone in Pakistan (repeat : Pakistanis are not very seafoody).

restaurant review - marco polo at pearl continental

Went for a farewell dinner for Chris, Margaret and Jessica who are being posted to Kuwait. Should be a nice change, paying 1 dinar to USD 3/=. Whee. Anyway I've been to Marco Polo for dinner before but never tried the buffet. Truth be told, it was not too bad. The salad bar was pretty good, only thing missing was probably iceberg lettuce. The spread was not extensive but enough. Can't eat that much anyway, at least not since the teenage years. The continental was reasonable and the Pak was, well, I am not Pakistani, so really my taste may not be indicative, but I found it pretty good. Pasta corner was limited to tomato based sauce and cream (as usual). I asked for olive oil and to be fair to the staff they actually made an attempt to get what I wanted. Anyway it was a pretty good night out thanks to the company.

metro opens in DHA

Metro the hypermart opened in DHA on 15 January ! No need to go all the way to the other side of town to buy proper seafood anymore. The only irritating bit is you need to provide your company National Tax Number, as they have they have this stupid business model where you must have a minimum of 2000 rupee purchase. wtf? Anyway now seafood is available all year round. yay!

back from bangkok

Just got back after 3 nights in Bangkok. I think this was the first time I have gone to Bangkok without playing golf. Aaaargh. Busy buying trees and looking at nurseries. Had a mad driver on Monday who was doing 160km/hr on the way south of Bangkok in an OLD corolla. It was so old it did not have a safety belt at the back. So yours truly just shut his eyes and slept and pretended not to know. Still did a lot of drinking eating and major foot massaging though. And here's another rant, why no refloxology in Lahore? Nothing sexual and I seriously doubt there's any mention anywhere that it's not halal. O yes managed to put on 1 kg in 3 days, Good effort.

poker sessions in Lahore

Had visitors up from KL the past few days. That usually means overeating, drinking, late nights and generally boys night out. Visitors normally do not stay more than 2 days as by the second day, it's "what's there to do?" Too bad guys, it's Lahore. Suck it up. Anyway now and then we also organise poker sessions besides the above mentioned activities, and with funny money rupee, the amounts bet sound pretty impressive. Thousands. Problem for the KL guys is that if they win they have nowhere else to spend it :).

Things that make life bearable in Lahore

There are basically 4 things that make life bearable in Lahore. (1) Golf. There are now 3 courses in Lahore ie Gymkhana, Garrison and Royal Palm. Gymkhana is dead flat but has pretty good greens and big huge trees. The rough is pretty long as I think they may not have the machinery to cut, which makes hitting into the trees/rough "jail". Garrison is also dead flat and pretty much hit and giggle. The club is pretty casual and is normally a very relaxed outing. Royal Palm is short and very tight. The rough is pretty brutal as machinery I think is a problem, and greens are small but do not bite. It's fun if you keep the tee shots on the fairway. I have not played in Palm for the past 9 months ever since the elections as they stopped serving grog (used to be the only place that served grog). (2) Cable TV - 90 channels, lots of sports channels including the South African ones, but too much cricket on tv. Movie channels are great as with other things in Pakistan, no intellectual property worries. I personally do not have a problem watching pirated movies as I won't lose any sleep if Tom Cruise makes a million or so less. (3) Internet - it's unstable as hell, and the load shedding really pisses you off especially if you are downloading stuff (music,movies, porn let's face it). Also the government does not block any sites. They tried blocking Youtube once but ended up screwing up all the ISP's. (4) Grog which we bring in ourselves

lahore - food paradise

OK. Another rant coming up. It really pisses me off when locals call Lahore a food paradise. WHAT??? Most of the local food (which I actually like, being Malaysian, which automatically makes you a foodie) do tend to taste the same after a while, and there are only two other ways of cooking in Lahore, deep fried or bbq'd. What food paradise? Can't get Korean, Vietnamese, middle eastern, south east asian, and there is practically no choice for Japanese or Chinese. And don't get me started on western. No french, italian etc. Just the standard fare. Everything is swimming in sauce, cream etc. Can't even get an aglio olio. No fresh seafood, not that they would know how to cook it (see comments on cooking methods above). You get the idea. When one is "katak bawah tempurung" ie Malay for frog under coconut shell, one should not make such grandoise sweeping claims.

Back again(!)

Wow, time flies. been away from Lahore for 2 weeks . Heaven, ate like a pig, drank lots, played golf, even went to Langkawi. O yes, spent new year at the club(Tropicana), good do, with a life band, disco, fireworks, games for the kids etc. Will probably do it again next year. Anyways , back to silly immigration procedures again. This time had 2 guys jumping the queue. And locals being too polite, let them . But not this rude expatriate uh uh no way. Told them off, asked them "what are you doing, there's a queue, come on". To be fair, with the local customary politeness they apologised and went back. :)). Apparently there was a bomb in Lahore on Christmas day, 2 died but no coverage. Too small maybe. It's sad when "only" 2 died gets zero coverage. Some Langkawi Christmas eve photos. Wonder when if ever Pakistan can have activities like these. Others are the cable car station and the view from top